Super Smash Bros: Beyond Brawl
by GamerBeast64
Summary: The story of Birdman, a descendant of Falco, fighting off the dangerous of gangs, such as The Luminatti and The Ginger Terrorists. Alongside with his bodyguard, Gio, and his pet Kirby, Bert, he'll try to stop the evil lurking around the Smash Bros. planet.
1. Chapter 1: Scary Stuff

Chapter 1: Scary Stuff

"Birdman has done it! He's done it again! For the tenth time, he's won the 99th Annual Smash Bros. Tournament! I'm Pablo the Fag and you're watching the Nintendo Channel, live from Starshell Stadium!"

Birdman looks to the crowds and is surprised how much people have supported him for the past 10 years. He looks to his bodyguard, Gio, who seems to be nodding. Birdman knows what this is, so he leaves the stadium to backstage when Pablo the Fag comes out. "OMG, OMG, OMG! It's Birdman! I'm gonna touch you!" yelled Pablo. Birdman jumped back. "Gio, kick his ass," Gio did what was told and kicked Pablo's ass. "OWWIE!" Pablo ran off.

"What Gio?" asked Birdman. "Nothing, just nothing. Let's go back home," They drove back to their home and found Birdman's pet Kirby, Bert, jacking off to internet porn. "Jacking off, jacking, j-jacking off... AHHH! Birdman, why so early!?" exclaimed Bert. "Bert, what did I say to jacking off to internet porn?" "Only jack off when you jack off first, I know," responded Bert. "Exactly,"

Birdman jacked off a little bit and went to the living room with Gio.

"Ahhhh. Who would've thought ten years ago, I defeated the legendary BowWow in that championship, huh Gio?" asked Birdman. "Who would've thought you turned out to be so annoying?" exclaimed Gio. "Bitch. Anyway, I lost in a bet with Bert, so I'm gonna take him to McDonald's, alright? Mind holding down the fort?" asked Birdman. "Sure..." Birdman grabbed Bert and left the house. Gio quickly jumped out of the couch and to the computer to jack off.

"YAY! McDonald's! I hope I see Ronald McDonald!" exclaimed Bert. "He's dead," Bert started to cry. "WAHHHH! WHOEVER KILLED HIM IS GONNA GET BITCH SLAPPED!" "He went suicidal," said Birdman. "I'm still gonna bitch slap Ronald McDonald," "You are one messed up Kirby, you know that?" "Thank you," "Anyway, we're next," Birdman and Bert walked up to the cashier. "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?" "Um, my Kirby would like a Happy Meal, please," said Birdman. "Aww, but don't you want one, Mr. Champion? After all, you did save my life," "HOLY SHIT, IT'S PRINCESS WHORE!" All the kids at ball pit quickly jumped out to their mothers. "RAPE! RAPE!" The manager came out. "Princess Whore, you're fired!" Princess Whore began to cry. "If I ever see you Birdman, I'm gonna rip your skin off, wear it and rape Bert so that he thinks it's you!" "But Bert already knows it'll be you, so you gave yourself away," "YOU BITCH!" The manager gave Princess Whore a shot. "Alright, you take care of McDonald's, I'm taking her to an asylum,"

For the next hour, Birdman and Bert waited for the manager when a stranger with a trench coat and a fedora came in. "I'd like..." "Like what?" "YOU!" The stranger took his coat off and began to beat the crap out of Birdman, KOing him. "You're next, you Kirby!" "Nope, I'll just throw myself into your bag," "Why thank you, you're the first one to ever do that. Tell you what, I'll let you go in a week, how about that?" asked the stranger. "Hmm, tempting offer. I'll accept your terms as long as you rape Birdman. Say what's your name?" asked Bert. "My name is Sexy Snake and I like to Squirtle all over girl's Jigglypuffs," "Cool. Alright, into the bag I go!"

End of Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2: Gio's Retarded Quest

Chapter 2: Gio's Retarded Quest

"Well, the week is done, you're free you Kirby," said Sexy Snake as he let go of Bert. "Don't forget to rape Birdman, I'm going to my house and record it with my 3DS," said Bert. "We shall meet again,"

Bert walked to his home, finding couches outside the window. "What the fuck?" Bert walked inside, only to find a crazy Gio holding a gun to his head. "Ok, ok, Justin Beiber is tempting you to see his tiny penis, but you don't want to, but yet, temptation. Gio looked at Bert. "Hello, Bert," Gio waved at him. "What. The. Hell. Did. You. Do!?" asked Bert. "SO MUCH PORN!" Bert just facepalmed. "Where's Birdman," asked Gio. "Being butt raped, why?" said Bert.

Gio jumped out of his seat. "YAY! My boring job of being a bodyguard will finally come true," "Fuck you, Gio, I'm here to record Birdman being buttraped by grabbing my 3DS!" "I sold it for 3DS games," said Gio. Bert just looked at Gio with his chin touching the floor. "I don't know who's stupid, you or Birdman," "I'll rebuy it for you!" "Fine," Gio gave Bert a costume. "Why do you own a Chinese orphan costume?" "Oh shut up, Short Round," "...I hate you," "I love you, too,"

2 Weeks Later...

"Short... Round..." "Dude, we've been standing outside his base for 13 days, why don't we attack!?" asked Bert. "Soon, Short Rou... SHORT ROUND! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Gio. "I'm knocking," Sexy Snake opened the door. "Hey, Bert! Why so late, I already butt raped him, see?" Birdman is locked in a cage, grabbing his knees. "I'm a little birdie, small, yet strong! Here is my beak and here is my claws!" Gio pounced at Sexy Snake from the bushes.

"WHO ARE YOU!" "My name is Sexy Snake," "Ha! And I thought Birdman had a cool name!" And so, Gio and Bert saved Birdman and captured Sexy Snake. "Who sent you!?" asked Gio. "I won't tell!" "He won't budge. What should we do?" Gio asked Birdman. "Hmm..." Just then, agents broke into Birdman's house. "What the hell!? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!" yelled Birdman. A spy who looked like Meta-Knight walked up to Birdman. "Birdman, King Albert needs you,"

End of Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3: The King's Worst Decision

Chapter 3: The King's Worst Decision

"What do you mean King Albert needs me!?" asked Birdman. "Listen, we don't have enough time! King Albert just fucking needs you!" yelled the agent. The agent grabbed Birdman, while the rest of his team grabbed Gio, Bert and Sexy Snake.

The next day...

"Where the hell am I?" asked Birdman. "Birdman?" It was Gio. "Gio, is that you?" asked Birdman. "Yeah," said Gio. "Where's Bert?" asked Birdman. "Probably being butt raped by Sexy Snake," said Gio. Birdman and Gio heard the door open. It was the agent that captured. "Come. The King wishes to see you," said the agent.

The agent took Birdman and Gio to the King's throne room, finding Sexy Snake and a scared Bert there. "THE KING APPROACHES!" yelled a squire. Out popped King Albert, the descendant to the original king, King Dedede. "Is this the one they call Birdman?" asked Albert. "Yes, my lord," said the agent. "Good," Albert turned to Birdman. "You're probably wondering why you're here?" asked Albert. "Yeah!" exclaimed Birdman.

"Well... you probably remember the war between the Smashers in Subspace?" asked Albert. "Yeah," said Birdman. "And the Trophy War which costed Princess Zelda's life?" asked Albert. "Yeah," said Birdman. "You see... a descendant of Ganondorf wants to overthrow, possibly kill me, resurrect the Master Hand and rule the Smash Planet!" said Albert. "Wait! How do you know about that!? HE MUST BE THE DESCENDANT!"

All of a sudden, all the guards jumped Albert. "DAMMIT! YOU GUYS HAD ME DNA TESTED THIS MORNING!" yelled Albert.

24 Hours Later...

"The surgery was a success, but please don't do that," said Albert. "OK, but why me?" asked Birdman. "One day, I was climbing Icicle Mountain when I found a code. I knew it was the Pikmin code, so I deciphered and discovered a huge propechy! You are the hero fortold by the 12!" explained Albert. "That probably explains the birthmark up my ass!" said Birdman. "Yes, the propechy said the birdman would have a birthmark up his ass!" said Albert. "YAY! I GOT CHOSENED! Off to kill this black bastard!" yelled Birdman. "NOT SO FAST!" yelled Albert. "What?" asked Birdman. "You need training. I'm sending you to Cobblestone Town to train with Master Isaac. But be warned, for the descendant's followers lurk in that town. Good luck!" Albert turns to Gio, Bert and Sexy Snake. "You will accompany him," said Albert. Sexy Snake stood up. "And if we don't?" asked Sexy Snake casually. Albert did what his family has always done and began to bite Sexy Snake. "AHHH! OK! OK!" yelled Sexy Snake

End of Chapter 3


End file.
